Monday, November 07, 2005

I feel guilty for grouching around all day and so I think it deserves an explanation. I'm not being honest in saying that I have "no idea" what could becausing the rain cloud above my head. It snowed this weekend, and for the first time, it makes me sad. A lot of people have offered to go for a walk in the snow with me, but it's not the same. I got an e-mail over the weekend, and it was a few pictures in memory of Sarah, Daryl and Kate from the Melbourne Uni's convocation. And you know, it hit me - I completely forgot about the date. This month, or I guess, last month was so pacted with events, assignments, exams, work and people, that for the first time in 7 months, I wasn't completely aware of the reality that I'm not going to get to see Sarah in two weeks. I looked outside this morning and I realised, the fact that it's snowing just doesn't mean anything anymore. The thing is, when it's all been said, and written and cried about, at the end of the night, I still sit back and wait for her to come home.

posted by Joyce @ 11:19 PM 0 comments

I don't know about you guys, but October just flew by. We have less than one month to go before finals start! One night at work, while Alexis and I were having our "folding the denim wall" chats, she asked me - what are you most afraid of? I think for a lot of people, failure comes to mind and quite honestly, that's what I thought of first. Afterwards, I had to really reflect about personal fears and worries. Am I really afraid of failure? Isn't failure fairly subjective anyway? On Monday, (Halloween Day) was my mom's birthday. That morning I leapt into bed with her, wished her a happy birthday, and we started to plan how we were going to celebrate. My mom didn't know which restaurant she wanted to eat at so we called my dad in for a family meeting. So there we were, our little family in a great big cuddle, and our only worries were where we wanted to overeat. When I got home from school, my mom phoned me and she told me that she had to pull over somewhere because she felt sick and asked if I were to pick her up. I took her to emergency and I realised that my biggest fear is dying; now, I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid of my parents being alone and I worry that if I'm not around, no one will be able to take care of them when they're old.
My mom's fine now - she was diagnosed with some type of ear infection that was messing with her vertigo, therefore, causing her to throw up non stop because she felt as if the room was permanently spinning. But I started to think as I watched the minute hand creep after each hour, I am all my parents have. They have a large network of friends and relatives who are all too willing to lend a hand, but in the end, it's me who has the responsibility. On Saturday night, I had dinner with the Lopaschuk's and then we went to Beaumont to see Kathleen perform in Steel Magnolias. I love the Lopaschuk's house but it's never felt the same without Sarah. I had a very selfish thought as I was watching Mr. and Mrs. Lopaschuk from the backseat - I don't want my parents to have to deal with the torture that they face every day. I don't really know where I am going with this, but I guess I've never vocalised this to anyone-well, except Maura. Thanks Maura.
In other news, this halloween I got to dress up as Gogo from Kill Bill AND Cho Chang from Harry Potter to make up for my less than stellar costumes of previous years. ^_^ I have reached my candy, chocolate bar, cookie, brownie, cupcake and cinnamon bun quota for the next two years. Oh, and cheese. The Black's (more specifically, Kathleen's parents) invited us over for a wine and cheese party after the play. I*heart* Brie.

posted by Joyce @ 10:47 AM 0 comments