just another passing fancy: April 2005

Thursday, April 28, 2005

So, I have to be at Paul's at 8 tomorrow morning for our last final and I can't bloody fall asleep. I think it's because I'm still _so_full_from dinner tonight that it's keeping me up. Seriously, if there's one sin that's going to send me straight to hell, it's gluttony. On another note, my cousin tonight told me that I was being so overzealous with my page turning that I was going to give her a paper cut on her face. Well, I just discovered a paper cut on my nose. The question is, how did I manage to cut myself right where the bridge of my glasses sit? Sometimes, I truly worry about myself. ^_^ Well, if I'm not going to sleep, I might as well keep flipping through my history book in the pretense that I'm actually absorbing something...or maybe I'll keep trying to find that dkny watch that I really want. =)

My "speech"

In three days we'll be celebrating Sarah's life and being forced to move on with ours. I'll be speaking at the tribute and I wanted to post what I'm going to say. Many thanks to Nita and Arthur for the edits and re-edits.
In grade nine, Sarah and I did an entrepreneurship project with our social studies teacher, Mme Smith. We chose to do our project on Jim Hensen. Sarah’s favourite factoid about Hensen was that he specifically requested that no one wear black during his funeral because it didn't reflect who he was. A lot of us here today aren't wearing black because, like Hensen, the colour doesn’t represent Sarah's character. During our last sleepover, Sarah and I talked straight into the morning. She told me about how much she admired her parents, and how after years of picking on her brothers, the inevitable happened and now they were both big enough to pick on her. We pulled out our favourite stories and retold them even though we both knew them inside out. She told me about the games she and Kathleen used to play and we remembered the time we sang "see my vest" on the bus in France so many times to the point where everyone was ready to happily kick us out into the rain.We did the silliest and sometimes stupidest things together but those are the things that are the most vivid for me. When we were together, we were flighty. At best. There was the time when we baked cookies but forgot to add flour – we actually tricked David into eating one of them and he can attest to how bad they were. While in Germany we had a seemingly intelligent conversation about how "Ausfart" must be such a major city because you could access it from any road, in the end, however, we found out that "Ausfart" actually means "exit’. And then there were times that she would be driving and when we reached a red light, right before it changed, she would forget if she had turned the car on and try to turn it on again.We also reminisced about a very important milestone that we reached when I went to visit her. With Australia as the backdrop, Sarah and I carefully chose the names we would give to our respective first-borns. Sarah decided that the name of her first born was to be Turbocharger Lopaschuk the Third, CEO. My last name being Yu, my child was to be named AEIO YU – un-hyphenated, per Sarah's request. We talked about our favourite things, and I brought one of Sarah's with me that I want to share with you. It's a chapter from her favourite book, the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, which completely encompasses her sense of humour.
"In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and had been widely regarded as a very bad move. Many races believe that it was created by some sort of god, though the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle VI believe that the entire Universe was in fact sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Green Arkleseizure. The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call The Coming of The Great White Handkerchief, are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each, who are therefore unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel. However, the Universe being the puzzling place it is, other explanations are constantly being sought. For instance, a race of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings built themselves a gigantic supercomputer called Deep Thought to calculate once and for all the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. For seven and a half million years, Deep Thought computed and calculated, and in the end announced that the answer was in fact 42, and so another, even bigger computer had to be built to find out what the actual question was. And this computer, which was called the Earth, was so large that it was frequently mistaken for a planet- especially by the strange ape like beings who roamed its surface, totally unaware that they were simply part of a gigantic computer program."
For Sarah, the meaning of life was just to live it. Whenever I would spaz out over something, which I am apt to do, she would always laugh, and say, "Oh Joycie, it's not that bad." She was always right. I had a lot of time to think this week and I thought about how Sarah lived her life without any regrets. We get caught up in so many entanglements and insecurities, worries, obsessions and petty arguments while life races right by us shaking its head at how seriously we take ourselves. She understood and recognised our mortality and that in the end none of it truly mattered. This is something that we can all learn from. I'm heartbroken that her adventures had to end so soon and that so many people will go untouched by her joy, her beauty and her love. I think of her friends and her family and the sadness that has enveloped all of us but we've all been comforted by the fact that Sarah led an amazing life. She lived more than a lot of people who have years on her because she recognized that life is about quality, not quantity.
There are so many more stories and memories of Sarah that I'd love to share with you, when there is more time. I hope everyone remembers Sarah by her laughter, those space-cadet-like tendencies, and of course, her kindness.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

For Sarah

So, I promise that after exams I'll stop with the cop-out posts ( ie - song lyrics, poetry not written by me...etc), but this is Sarah's favourite song, and I want to share it with you. If any of you have the intent of downloading it ( Time of your life) listen really closely to the beginning. He messes up a chord progression and they never took out the swearing. ^_^ Sarah, actually, was the one who pointed it out to me. You can always count on her to pick out something like that. =)

Another turning point;a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;directs you where to go.
So make the best of this testand don't ask why.
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographsand still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth,it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
~Green Day

Sunday, April 24, 2005

uh...untitled

You're where all the poets go
You're where all the ashes blow
You're thee kind of maker
That makes the whole world come true
Thank god you're timeless
Because my watch got stolen
It's the good stuff you bring to me
So turn and blow me one last kiss
You're a deadeye baby
You just never miss
There ain't that much as sweet as this
I waved so hard I broke my wrist

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

For Nita

In grade seven I had the good fortune of meeting a strange, yet happy girl with pale blonde hair by the name of Janita. I don't remember much of her in grade seven because we found our way into different social groups I do remember, however, the very first time we were introduced was under a tree in front of Avalon where everyone was crowding around her looking at her big book of Sailor moon cards. In grade nine, we finally became friends and from there we developed a deeper friendship that has been very dear to me.
In the years that I've known her, we've had our share of fun (and stupidity), we've shared our complaints, disagreements, bad teachers ( well...namely one),our rants and more recently, our tears. Nita is one of the very few people that I am completely honest with because I'm not afraid that she'll judge me. I can always count on her for a "Oh Colbeeert".
Nita, I can't promise that I can _always_ be there, you know, with the whole mortal coil business and such. I don't think anyone can make such a promise. But my _intention_ is to always be there if you need. I'll always care, and I'll always love you. =)

Friday, April 15, 2005

Last paper

3 am. Still writing. Procrastination got the best of me, as per usual.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Lifehouse

Somewhere in Between
I can't meet
losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Hanging by a moment
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
In chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation if you take all of me
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure wehre to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Friday, April 08, 2005

Wit

I was introduced to John Donne in high school and ever since, he has become my favourite poet. I want to share this poem with you because it has always spoken to me.
A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say
"The breath goes now," and some say "No";
So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity of our love.Moving of th'earth brings harms and fears;
Men reckon what it did and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though great far, is innocent.
Dull sublunary lovers' love
(whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those thing which elemented it.
But we, by a love so much refined
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.
Our two souls, therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion
Like gold to airy thinness beat.
If the be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two:
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th'other do.
And though it in the centre sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
and grows erect, as that comes home.
Such wilt though be to me, who must
Like the other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circles just,
And makes me end, where I begun.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

For Elizabeth

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return."
- T.H.White
When I was younger, my stories were always fantastical tales of rescue, drama and unnecessary tragedy. During recess my friends and I would always play pretend and the playground would no longer be filled with swings, climbing bars and slides; they were now castles with high turrets and dungeons and inevitably, one poor fool would need rescuing. Even the stories I wrote were riddled with overexaggerated adjectives and unnecessary description. I realise now, that old sayings are true - beauty is simplicty.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of using too many words to describe one thing. Too often a simple "I love you" turns into a 6 page sonnet where your audience has already forgotten what you said in page 1 and has to ask you - so...you love me, right?" I think we just get caught up in our ability to string words together and possibly impress the other with our supposed eloquence. There's this quotation in Invisible Man, by Ellison, he wrote that Louis Armstrong makes poetry out of invisibility. This reminds me of a Simpsons episode where Lisa thought that she was growing stupid, she went on a "brain binge" and went to a jazz hall. The guy sitting next to her said that what the musician was playing didn’t make sense, and she says to him, " you need to listen to the notes that he’s not playing".
I made a promise to a dear friend that I would tell a story. So I will.
There are two girls that I've known for over a year now. In the last year we became better friends and in the past few months we became deeper friends. Before I really knew them, I had no real opinion except that I found them to be unique. The irony is that they're twins. Now that the days where I would sneak into the back to see which twin was working so that I didn't get their names wrong (again) are completely forgotten, I know them to be unfailingly kind and the representation of love. I am blessed; and I know this to be true.

just another passing fancy